El Katch22

Illusions

You’re just an illusion
I don’t believe in you anymore
You were just amusement
I don’t need you like before
I’m awake now, I realize you’re not real
I feel empty too, you’re as fake as how I feel
I’m trapped in a mirror, but here’s the twist
I’m as real as you, I don’t even exist.


7/18/2012

My frienemy

I want to be loved and accepted
Instead of being hated and rejected
Pain is my lifelong companion, present till the end
So I have turned this ever present enemy
into a strange new friend
Maybe in this way,
Maybe one day,
I can politely tell my friend to go away.

7/27/2012

No more tears…

So badly I wish I could cry

However I have no more tears

I’ve cried myself dry

So many years

Unable to shed tears

The pain hides itself behind a wicked smile

The promise of revenge brings comfort for a while.

7/22/2012

Row, Row, Row…

Life is like a dream floating down a stream.

But we’re not all on the same boat;

Some have fancy ships others are stranded afloat.

My boat sank, all I have left is this life vest

Struggling not to drown, doing my very best.

The gentle streams have become raging rapids

So many drowning souls, you can hear the screams.

These nightmares have become a reality, no longer harmless dreams.

                                                                                                         7/22/2012

Home…

Her warm hug feels like home

Somewhere I’ve never been before,

Somewhere I’ve never known

How do I know I am welcome?

I’ve been locked out for so many years

Don’t know love, but I know heartbreak and tears

I’ve been alone for so long

Company is now one of my fears

Home is where the heart is

But I see it as weakness

I keep my guard up,

Therefore I am homeless.
                                                                                                        7/18/2012

I want…

I want to die

I want to cry

I can’t do either

I don’t know why?

I wish I could fly

But I fall on my face

Trying desperately

To leave this place.

                                                                                                       7/9/2012

Trapped…

Trapped in this paradox called life

There is nothing for me here

I live in constant fear

Shed so many, I don’t have any more tears

But I still feel the pain

My mind decays with time

I have nothing to live for

Begging God not to let me be born again.

                                                                                                           7/9/2012

???…

Humanity ain’t shit

Life is insignificant

A word out of spit

Where to go?

Just throw me in a black hole

Heaven left me stranded

I was born, abandoned

And this is the hell I was handed

Scorned

Is this what God commanded?

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The heist…

I used to work in hell

But then I quit

Stole everything I could

Then I split

Tried to make it to heaven

But got stuck in the world of men

Halfway on Earth forced to live day by day

Money is like water here, so I had to get paid

Now I’m selling stolen souls

They’re from hell so they burn like coals

God doesn’t like me

So I get depressed when it’s sunny

Only come out in the dark

To make my sales and get my money

But then an angel wanted to fight

I stabbed him with the Devil’s pitchfork that night

Thank God I stole that pitchfork from hell

But now God is after me and the Devil as well

Running from good and evil

I have to make my escape

If I get caught, I can’t imagine my fate.

                                                                                                        12/2009

The 9mm motto…

The world is dead to me

It costs to live, I refuse to pay the fee

I feed off of pain

Until it is a part of me

Trapped in my mind

Never free

Strapped with a nine

No mercy.

                                                                                                           12/2009

Planless…

Without a plot or a scheme

I move through life like it’s a dream

Nobody is self-made you need a team

But a man is a man

God has no plan.

                                                                                                             12/2009

This life…

Everybody is selfish so fuck people

Life is torture and unequal

Unfair and without a sequel

A lifetime goes by like the day

The light shines

But never fails to go away

I’ve been abandoned on this Earth

Watch your step cause I’m cursed

And I don’t give a fuck for what it’s worth

Why live if there is nothing to earn?

Why study if there is nothing to learn?

Death is coming, I’m just waiting my turn

There are no friends in this life

I’ve been stabbed in the back with my own knife.

                                                                                                         12/22/2009                           

The time bomb…

I am a time bomb waiting to self-destruct

Going against me is a catch-22

Either way you’re fucked

I can’t lose

My heart is an explosive you can’t defuse.

                                                                                                           12/22/2009